Day 23: Are You A Muffin Or A Fancy Frosted Cupcake?

It was a jewelry party – think Pampered Chef or Tupperware, with more bling and higher price points. I had all I could do to escape without betraying the names of twenty close friends who’d just love to be contacted about hosting jewelry parties themselves.

If you get called, it wasn’t me.

The rep is passionate. Why wear one necklace when you can layer eight of them? So what if you have glasses and a big head and your father’s assertive ears and a linebacker neck, and you feel cluttered and overdone wearing even little post earrings? Go for big hoops, and then add a headband and matching choker!

She teaches us to Adorn Our Palette, the upper chest area, to distract attention from the less attractive parts of ourselves. Mind you, this isn’t about boobs. We are all over 50; our boobs now qualify as less attractive parts.

They’re also no longer in the upper chest area.

She tells us that, with the right palette, we can still fascinate anyone.

True, that! I look at her eight necklaces and huge earrings and twelve bracelets and big glasses and wonder in amazement how she weathers electrical storms, given all that metal.

We play fun games, like “Look in your purse! What do you have in there that starts with the letter F?” One guest says, “I have a firearm. Do you need to see it?” The rep hurriedly says no, and awards her the prize. No-one argues.

The cupcake question is her big finish: Even the humble muffin can shine, given enough icing.

Me? I’m the high-altitude baking failure above. Ain’t no frosting gonna fix that or fool anybody.

Yet I take the “C is for Checkbook!” out of my purse and buy in. Where there is life, there is hope.

 

8 thoughts on “Day 23: Are You A Muffin Or A Fancy Frosted Cupcake?

  1. Larry

    Palette??? Did she really say palette? Do you use that thing to hold paint before applying it to canvas?

    And what’s wrong with muffins?

    • No poetic license — she really said “palette.” Several times; it’s apparently a corporate tagline. You’re right — the chest as blank canvas is a better analogy, with a palette of jewels to paint it with. And I prefer the much-maligned muffin to a blowsy cupcake any day.

  2. Wendy

    Dad liked frosting. Mom didn’t. They divided cakes, muffins, cupcakes so that Dad got to eat the two top parts avec frosting while Mom enjoyed the two bottom parts sans frosting. They were married for 67 years.

    • That’s the stuff good marriages are made of. The little things always make or break you :-)

  3. Mary Merewether

    I ate a fancy frosted cupcake for breakfast (couldn’t let it go to waste, now could I?), but I am definitely a muffin. (FYI, I am told {by the local jewelry party people} that chokers are out.)

    • How about nose rings? Son #2 just got one. I am trying to put my liberal money where my mouth is and be a good sport.

  4. Mary Merewether

    Manon and I just saw “Ladybird” and there is a line Ladybird says to her older brother and his girlfriend that they “will never get jobs with all that junk on your faces” (meaning nose, lip, and brow rings). I have to agree. (While also thinking I should be more tolerant.). But I bet Son #2 is rocking it!

  5. Wendy Heath

    Firearm! For the win- brassy lady! Although, she shouldn’t carry in her purse if she’s going to carry. Only a holster on person is truly safe and leaves your firearm accessible to you. Putting it in your purse means you’re rather likely to get it taken away from you and used on you by an assailant…

    (I may, or may not, have taken concealed carry and have waaaaaaaay too many friends in law enforcement…)

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