Guns don’t kill people. Pants kill people. A gentleman in Tennessee recently shot himself in the chin when he took off his pants and placed them on his dresser, “at which time the 25 caliber Baretta pistol in the right front pocket discharged.” You’ve got to love a police...
It’s All Relative
Stand By Your Boob
Give him two arms to cling to And something warm to come to When nights are cold and lonely In other words, offer him “plenty to eat at home.” The first lady of Toronto stood stoically by her man on Friday, after Mayor Rob Ford managed to shock a...
“Open the Pod Bay Doors, Facebook”
“Your sister is waiting for you to see her post on your timeline.” Do I need this new personal pressure from Facebook? They’ve already sent me an email telling me that my sister posted on my page, along with the text of her comment. Now, they nag me if...
Santa, Shrapnel, and Stupidity
So I don’t remember my parents ever actually lying to me. At least, I never caught them doing so, which amounts to the same thing. I suffered the usual heart-rending Santa Claus disillusionment at their hands, but that was a lie perpetrated by the whole culture. And, as lies...
Burning Issues: Goat Shit, Cheetos, and Chemical Weaponry
“Is it safe?” asks Brand New Husband. I have just driven the car up through the middle of a rocky Vermont cow pasture and have come to an abrupt halt beside a ramshackle hovel. We have traveled an hour and a half from the nearest major airport. I have...