Give him two arms to cling to And something warm to come to When nights are cold and lonely In other words, offer him “plenty to eat at home.” The first lady of Toronto stood stoically by her man on Friday, after Mayor Rob Ford managed to shock a...
Miscellaneous Mayhem
A Porch to Pee On
The pissing contest in Washington has left me with a particularly pointed case of penis envy. Now, I’ve never actually wanted a penis, per se. Women learn early on that those appendages are readily available for loan should one ever be needed. What I envy about the penis is...
“Open the Pod Bay Doors, Facebook”
“Your sister is waiting for you to see her post on your timeline.” Do I need this new personal pressure from Facebook? They’ve already sent me an email telling me that my sister posted on my page, along with the text of her comment. Now, they nag me if...
Santa, Shrapnel, and Stupidity
So I don’t remember my parents ever actually lying to me. At least, I never caught them doing so, which amounts to the same thing. I suffered the usual heart-rending Santa Claus disillusionment at their hands, but that was a lie perpetrated by the whole culture. And, as lies...
True Grit: Strippers on the Altar
So some evangelical middle-aged church ladies in righteous pastel polyester show up at a local strip joint bright and early this past Sunday morning. They are there to offer consolation prizes to the 20 or so exotic dancers who’ve been told at 2:00 AM (after working a long and...