The owl is disguised as a sausage pizza. And it isn’t foretelling my death, unless we extrapolate and equate overweight with an untimely end. Several pizzas sit there attempting to tempt me. Warm and free (like the best of partners), they display themselves in attractive positions on the kitchen...
I thought about giving up Facebook for Lent – it’d be easier than giving up liquor or popcorn (homemade, and essentially just a vehicle for real butter and salt – although the movie theater stuff works too, dripping with artificial flavors and colors and trans fats. Purity is overrated)....
She is surprisingly strong for a little woman. The dentist has her entire fist in my mouth. She is vigorously pushing down on every crowned tooth, checking for integrity. Integrity has never been my strong suit. So, too, with my mouth full of expensive dental work. An old permanent...
Clearly, I had calendar issues: Valentine’s Day is for conceiving children, not giving birth to them. What was it about flirtation, fine dining and candlelight that I didn’t get? I suppose I’d got all those romantic trappings nine months earlier. There’s that. Interesting word choice, “trappings.” I...
My fingers are still stained red from the frosting I made last weekend. I carry indelible guilt, a scarlet V for Vanity. Anything pricey must be good, yes? Fancy gel food coloring did this to me, expensive stuff from the cake-decorating aisle at a specialty store. I plan to...