“I watched you walk across the room,” he says.
My heart thrills a little.
“You’ve got a real spring in your step,” he says.
My heart thrills a little more. I like this man and find him attractive, in that rueful “would that I were 20 years younger” sort of way.
I blush despite myself and thank him. I add that I try to stay upbeat and positive, and that I’m glad to hear it shows in the way I move.
“No, no, no,” he says. “A spring is a bad thing. People with tight Achilles tendons walk with a bounce to keep the foot from rolling through its full range of motion. This makes your tendonitis worse, exacerbates the related bursitis, and adds additional stress on the ball of the foot, inflaming the arthritis that’s present there.”
It’s a perfect trifecta: tendonitis, bursitis, and arthritis. The youthful sap I’d tapped into evaporates as I hoist my heavy matron feet onto the physical therapist’s table.
My heart is still thrilling, though. How often do I hear someone use the word “exacerbate” in conversation? He pronounces it perfectly, uses it correctly, tosses it off casually, and doubtless even knows how to spell it.
I promise to start shuffling and dragging my feet. That’s an easy cure! I suggest that he prescribe a walker to discipline my spirit. It’d be hard for me to waltz about with life and vitality tethered to one of those. It’d be a salutary exercise in the mortification of the flesh.
If he can use a word like “exacerbate,” I can use a world like “salutary.”
He laughs, tells me to devote myself to calf stretches, and suggests that I get over my Catholic upbringing.
“I looked damned good in the 80’s, though,” I say in defense. “I walked a mile to work in high heels every day, stood all day at work in high heels, walked home again in high heels, and then went out dancing in high heels.” I strike a disco pose lying there on the table as he wrestles with my ankle.
“So was it worth it?”
It’s a killing thrust to my Achilles heel, my vanity. This guy knows his mythology as well as his physiology.
Of course it was worth it! Who at 25 listens to advice from her almost-60 self? Who at 25 has the foresight (or courage) to wear things like sensible shoes and hearing protection and 50-SPF sunscreen?
I worked with a girl at the bank back then who did all those things. The rest of us rolled our eyes and pitied her for being such a dreary fossil. I am sending thought waves of apology and respect to her even as we speak.
But she doesn’t need my apologies or my respect. I’m betting she doesn’t need a physical therapist, an audiologist, or a dermatologist, either. I’m betting “It was absolutely worth it!” reads somewhat differently for her than it does for me. I’ll have to tip-toe around the internet and find out.
Did I say that out loud?
I keep hoping that its not too late to start being careful with all that stuff. Some days it feels I’m too late for everything, although I still can’t stand all day in heels, so at least there’s that.
So glad you’re back!
Being careful is over-rated. And it’s never too late to make amends — or so they say. I apply this theory to all areas of my life :-)
Welcome back! I missed you, Missy!
In my best Madeline Kahn voice, “the feeling is mutual.”
I wish my bursitis and arthritis were due to dancing all night in high heels! Mine is in my frozen shoulder from slinging heavy trays waitressing through college. (Though I must admit we had some pretty fun nights after work…..)
Everyone ought to have to wait tables early in life. It gives you such a broad appreciation for humankind :-) And sometimes it gives you bursitis and arthritis; I’m sorry. Are you sure it wasn’t your glamorous AquaMarine synchronized swimming?– although water supports exercise, they say. I will never know, since I will never bring myself to appear in a bathing suit in public. Then again, with a swimming cap on, no-one would recognize me. Further, without my glasses, I couldn’t see them. It just might work.
Another joyous essay about the passage of life and its challenges. A salutary lesson on the vagaries of getting old. (Did I use “salutary” and “vagaries” correctly? )
I wouldn’t dare to question anything my dauntingly sharp librarian friend chose to say, or how she chose to say it :-) Thanks so much for the pat on the back — which means a lot, coming from a dauntingly sharp librarian.
Yea!! I needed some chuckles tonight. Even a chortle.
Thank you! It helps me, too. Fake it ’til you make it.
Did he have any thoughts on random, intense itching?
I’ll ask next time, although that’s not exactly the image I want to leave him with. Old and achy is one thing; old and itchy sounds like someone with chin whiskers and liver spots and glasses she doesn’t realize are too dirty to see out of. Thanks for the smile :-)
Welcome back! I’m sorry that you ankles & feet have been problems, but glad that you have this outlet to aid in the repair. Gotta take care of the girl as well as the dogs. Hope to hear more from you soon. Keep your chin up — & always be sure to do your PT even if it hurts.
It’s ok–Melania has bigger problems–. love your writing!
Agreed. Her problems are bigly, believe me. Huuuge problems. The very best problems. Top people have those sorts of problems.